Female Ejaculation (FE) aka “squirting,” or “gushing” has been the center of a great deal of controversy over the past decades. Despite ancient regard and recognition of female ejaculation by many philosophers and cultures such as Hippocrates and Aristotle or the Taoist tradition, centuries later the world is debating its existence. Some even argue that it is in fact only urine. Few studies have been done with no definitive answer on what the fluid is, its source and whether it has any connection to female orgasm at all. This confusion, along with a legacy of Freudian beliefs towards female sexual incompetence, a culture which represses female sexuality through ridiculous measures such as Australia and Britain’s ban on FE in pornography, as well as a lack of adequate education regarding female bodies, results in women’s internal shame towards their sexual abilities. Many women have found themselves at the doctor’s office after experiencing FE – which is crazy enough on its own – but to make matters even worse, were diagnosed with Urinary Stress Incontinence! All these factors have caused a great deal of humiliation and embarrassment to those individuals who do experience female ejaculation and has continued to be a source of shame and repression in female’s perception and agency towards their own sexuality.
I, unfortunately, have been in the same boat. Despite my continuous and rigorous journey of learning to love myself and my body, especially my vulva, through believing and practicing sexpositivity and empowerment, reading Cunt over and over again, and claiming my sexuality by giving myself earth-shattering orgasms every chance I get (definitely recommended), I still felt disgusting, dirty and sick the first time I squirted, and… to some degrees – on my less confident days – still do today. Now don’t get me wrong, it always feels amazing when it happens! I do not want to stop! But afterwards, looking down at the kind of scene I’ve caused… all those negative feelings come right back. My first time squirting in front of my partner was a whole different story.
Despite how mind-blowing it felt, I was so embarrassed afterwards that all I wanted to do was hide and not face her again. I ended up crying out of shame, and in turn feeling embarrassed for crying during sex. Thankfully, my partner was completely understanding and consolidated me with sincere love and affection. Although it did not put an end to my negative feelings regarding ejaculation, I slowly learned to accept and embrace this aspect of my sexuality.
Writing this story has not been easy, but I know that there are many of you out there who probably share a similar experience. Here is to all of you beautiful pearls who have gone through the same or are currently feeling some type of way about your body like I still sometimes do: you are a badass with an extraordinary body! There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You are lucky to be able to experience this pure pleasure and orgasm. All of that being said, I do agree that sometimes dealing with the “mess” can be a turnoff, but do not let that come in between you and your sexy time. I’m including a few tips on how to love your squirting and minimize all concerns about the “mess”. If it’s really a big deal to you and you wouldn’t mind spending some money, below is a list of helpful options from the most cost friendly to least for you to consider:
- Use Towels / Old blankets – Towels or older blankets can be found at most households and are very cheap to buy. Using them is very helpful because they are easy to wash and prevent your sheets from getting wet (if that’s not something you’re into).
- Blue Absorbent Pads – These pads can be found at any local drugstore (CVS, Walgreens, etc.) and are relatively very cheap. You can find them as cheap as $3.00.
- Fascinator Throe – These luxury, usually velvet textured, blankets are specifically designed to absorb fluids during sexual activity. However, they are pretty pricey. Most are about $80.00.
- Kink Rubber Sex Sheet – Coming in different brands, these sheets feel like actual rubber and are waterproof. At the same time, they are comfortable enough to sleep on! They are usually more than $100 to 120.
If you are scared that it’s pee, it is not! To rid yourself of all concerns about possibly peeing on your partner go to the restroom and urinate before engaging in a sexual act that may end up in you ejaculating! The fluid does contain a similar substance that is found in urine, and at times contains a very small percentage of urine. Depending on different factors such as when the last time you urinated was, those levels can be higher or lower. Seeing that you are able to ejaculate with a just emptied bladder, may give you reassurance and less anxiety while you’re enjoying your sexual experience. But really, it’s important for you to realize that there is nothing wrong with ejaculating, it is just a different form of orgasm and will result in a great deal of pleasure!
Until next month!